Recently, someone made a comment about an action of mine not aligning with what I say in my blog. And then they added a few other comments. I don’t know if they were trying to be hurtful or not. Regardless, it hurt.
It made me question if I am who I say I am. It made me question if I’m a fraud.
A few days later it was Monday again – time to post another Top 5. I questioned if I should just hang it up. Sunset this little project and go quietly back to my little corner.
When I explained to my husband what was said and that it made me seriously consider quitting, he balked. He was almost mad (not for real mad, just that perfect response that makes us feel like someone believes in us) at me for even thinking that way and told me to keep writing (
10 110 million points for him).
But I couldn’t shake the comment that my action didn’t align with how I write about acting on the blog. And you know what? I couldn’t shake it because they were right.
I failed to be the version of myself that I want to be. Though unintentional, I hurt someone else.
I write about things to an audience I never dreamt of. I make big statements about who I am and who I want to be. Yet everyday it’s a practice to get there and stay there.
But I keep trying because I think the bigger failure is to not acknowledge the room to improve, to not ask for help and to not try.
Ultimately, to me, what’s worse is knowing I’m flawed and not trying to do anything about it or (even worse) thinking I’m not flawed and therefore not trying to do anything about it.
Sometimes LeBron James misses free throws. He has bad games. Do we say he’s not the greatest? That he’s been a fraud all these years? Or that he’s not really a basketball player?
And am I no longer the person I aspire to be because I temporarily revert back to my old ways?
I get it. What I write isn’t for everyone, but it is for a lot of people who, like me, are trying to figure it all out. Knowing that who I was today can be better tomorrow and that “trying my best” is not an excuse to remain where I am, but means honestly (and sometimes painfully) looking at who I am. Committing to and pushing through small daily changes.
I don’t know about you but I believe in getting back on the horse after falling off and encouraging everyone else to get back on that damn horse too.
For more like this you can follow me here on (my) Rabbit Trails (just enter your email on the right) or over on Instagram. I love comments, feedback and shares if you are so inclined or know someone else who is trying (those little buttons below make it so easy). Have a great day!